Friday Fictioneers: Sweet Liberty Johnson

Friday Fictioneers is hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields who provides us with a photo prompt. Each week’s challenge is to write a 100-word story inspired by the photo.

PHOTO PROMPT © J Hardy Carroll

Sweet Liberty Johnson

I met Ms. Johnson when I moved in down the street. She had just turned 83. She didn’t have any family, so I would go over and help her with whatever she needed. I became her garbage man, weed puller, and overall lifter.

She paid me well. Of course, all the cookies and brownies meant I had to step up my workout routine. She was just a treat to be around. At least, that’s how I used to feel.

Things changed when she asked me to bring up some boxes from the basement. I awoke sometime later in a cage.

~~~~~~

Sweet Liberty Johnson and I go way back. She first came to me while I was showering. For no reason I can remember, I started singing Oh-ho! Oh, Sweet Liberty Johnson. It quickly became a whole song, of which I recorded three versions. One of those featured my dad on guitar shortly before he died. Later, she became a part of the retirement community The End Of The Road, my attempt at creating an adult cartoon. After three versions of a song, 15 scripts written for episodes that are way too politically incorrect to ever be produced now (Come on, Netflix! I have never worked so hard on anything in my life. I have literally spent less time on the four books I’ve written combined than I did on planning and writing that show. I have a second season mapped out.), she is being resurrected for a Friday Fictioneers.

For those with a sick sense of humor, here’s the original song. I’m pretty sure I made alterations, but these are the lyrics I found. I’m not going to upgrade my account to add audio. You’ll just have to take my words for it.:

Oh-ho! Oh Sweet Liberty Johnson
she lives right down the street
on the corner of 3rd & Swasson*
she’s someone you should meet
Oh Sweet Liberty Johnson
she just turned 83
Oh Sweet Liberty Johnson
she’s a beautiful lady to me
she makes me cookies and brownies
I just love to have her around me
at least that’s how I used to feel
till I learned of all the people she’s killed
she kept them in a freezer in her basement
until she cooked them up and she ate them
oh Sweet Liberty Johnson
now the psycho kids think she’s awesome
they wanna be like her when they grow up
until they think of eating human and throw up
Oh Sweet Liberty Johnson
Oho Sweet Liberty Johnson
now I wish I never ate at her house
and I wish I never ate her out

*Yeah, that should be Swanson. I don’t know why it’s not.

40 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers: Sweet Liberty Johnson

Add yours

  1. Oh dear, Nobbin,

    I don’t know whether to laugh or cringe. I guess I’ll just go for both. I can only imagine the song set to music. (so this is what happens when you skip playing video games in the morning. 😉 )

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

  2. Great shades of Sweeney Todd. You never know how Sweet Liberty Johnson came to be in your head. As long as she leaves when asked… Give netflix time. Things are getting more “out there” all of the time. At some point that will be an average plot for a sitcom… Your story is funny but not, if you know what I mean!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I was telling my friend about Lunatics the other day, Chis Lilley’s Netflix show. His characters are completely absurd but hilarious. She said my characters are beyond the acceptable absurdity.

      Thank you. I know exactly what you mean.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It depends on your sense of humor. It’s way over the top goofy. I enjoyed it. I think it was worth watching for the line, “Animals are my spirit animal.” I’ve never heard the word “cunt” so many times in my life.

        Liked by 1 person

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