A To Z Challenge: Charlie

So, this sucks. I’m not going to lie. This was rushed and is really just a retelling of Charlie’s Profile. I’m really tired and have been distracted all day. My mind is mushy. I did a post earlier about why. Things have actually gotten more stressful since. I’m having a hard time focusing. I wanted to prepare these ahead of time to avoid this but only made it through the first two. I am a little embarrassed about posting this. It should be much better, but it has to be up today. I would normally do a few rewrites. I only gave this a quick read through. That’s the A To Z Challenge. I might not make it through this successfully. Last month would have been fine. The timing is not working in my favor.

Charlie

Captain Grek, the head alien in charge of the refugees, didn’t have any rules against pets. The idea of a refugee alien having a pet never crossed his mind. He had a lot more urgent matters on hand, like escaping LambaBad, formerly Nasga, finding a safe planet to hide and regroup, escaping the ship of Lambads that pursued them across galaxies and through wormholes, the fate of the ship that crash-landed at the same time they did, the well-being of the aliens in his charge, getting the humans to release them from quarantine… The list goes on ad infinitum. When the refugees were finally released from quarantine, his list grew even longer. Abby decided it might be best to keep her pet a secret.

Following their release from quarantine, Abby spent most of her time researching pets. She decided that a fish would be the easiest to keep secret, but the least likely to be fun or provide companionship. The most fun would be a kangaroo, kangaroo rat, giraffe, koala, monkey, or dog. Rabbits looked too Yamfennian to be a pet. She decided a small dog would be the most fun, provide the best companionship, and be the easiest to conceal. Following her meticulous research of dog breeds, she decided on a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.

Having a puppy turned out to be a lot more work than Abby’s research led her to believe. Charlie loved to tear asunder whatever she could find. She also expelled waste wherever she wanted, and it was an unpleasant waste. Abby worked with her continuously. She studied every training technique she could find. It would be a lot easier if they could communicate. Abby found that no one had ever learned to translate dog language into English. Abby had an epiphany. She would resume work on her anthropomorphizing device.

Her first experiments were on inanimate objects. She had early success with a towel. It just screamed a lot and talked about its horrible life drying butts. Abby took it out into the Canadian wilderness and released it into the wild where it would never have its face shoved into a butt again.

Her successful experiment encouraged Abby to try living creatures. She gathered up any other animal she could find and hold secretly. No animals were harmed through the duration of Abby’s experiments. She started, like any clichéd scientist, with a rat. Ratchet, Abby was not good at naming things, got very large for a rodent. That was it. She released it into the wild where it became the king of rats. It ruled over them with iron whiskers it had made. The anthropomorphizing device may have had some weird side-effects. She followed that up with a turtle, named Turt, that failed to grow or gain any apparent intelligence but loved pizza and an ant, named Anty, who would only communicate via Twitter. Various other mutations came along before Deertorious, which was, yes, a deer with some variation of a faux ancient Roman name.

Abby was walking Charlie in the woods around the crash site/refugee alien compound with her device. They were supposed to take their blasters anytime they were outside of the compound. Abby inadvertently grabber her device since it was the main thing on her mind at the time.

When a deer jumped out of the bushes and ran straight for them with his antlers looking particularly dangerous, Abby pulled out her device and blasted him. She grabbed Charlie and dove out of the way. The deer stumbled and rolled into more bushes. The deer stood up on his hind legs and gave Abby a peculiar look. It was almost as peculiar as the word ‘peculiar.’ If there’s any word that should mean what it means, it’s ‘peculiar.’ ‘Whimsy’ is another one.

“Hello,” said Abby, tentatively.

“Hey,” said Deertorious.

“What’s your name?” asked Abby, with growing excitement.

“I’m a deer. We don’t have names,” said Deertorious.

“How about Deertorious?” Abby asked.

“Sure,” said Deertorious.

Abby asked a series of questions before excitedly returning to her workshop. She wanted Deertorious to come back with her for further tests and inquiries, but he wanted to remain in the woods where he belonged. In the end, it was his decision. He was a lot bigger than her and had antlers.

When she returned to her workshop, or Ab’s Lab as it had become known, Abby couldn’t resist the excitement of a successful anthropomorphization. She looked at Charlie who looked back at her with her big, loving eyes. Abby held her breath, closed her eyes, rubbed her foot, and zapped Charlie. Abby heard a cough. She opened her eyes, but all she could see was a cloud of smoke.

A voice emanated from inside the cloud. “I’m glad I didn’t end up like those other blokes.”

“Charlie? Charlie, is that you?”

“That’s my name. Don’t wear it out,” said Charlie. “You know because your name’s Abby, and if you try to wear my name out there, it won’t go over well.”

Her first attempt at a pun wasn’t a winner, but it was a precursor to the pun machine she would become.

Abby and Charlie talked all night. Abby was elated to have someone to talk to. Charlie was happy that Abby could finally understand what she was saying. Most of it was requests for food.

In the morning, Abby brought her best friend, Hitch, into her room.

“Who is this?” asked Hitch.

“I’m Charlie. You must be Hitch,” said Charlie. “I’ve heard ever so much about you.”

Hitch looked at Charlie, confused. “I haven’t heard anything about you.”

Abby explained Charlie to Hitch.

“Captain Grek can’t find out about this, Abbs,” Hitch said.

“I have a plan,” said Abby.

Abby hacked into the computer system. It was easy for her. She was one of the lead designers and programmers of the system. Within minutes, Charlie was a Niibellian from the planet Niibell and assigned to Hitch’s squad. Hitch informed the rest of the squad.

The next day, when the squads were lined up for training exercises, Captain Grek stopped by Hitch’s squad.

“Something’s different,” said Captain Grek.

“We’re lined up correctly,” said Hitch.

“That is unusual, but it’s not what I meant,” said Captain Grek.

“We’re prettier than usual,” said Charlie.

“You,” said Captain Grek. “Who are you?”

“Charlie,” said Charlie. “Who in blazes are you?”

Abby tugged on Charlie’s tail and whispered, “Charlie, quiet.”

“I’m the Captain of the Refugee Alien Defenders,” said Captain Grek. “How are you here and don’t know that?”

“She’s cranky today, sir,” said Abby, shoving Charlie behind her.

“Who is she?” Captain Grek asked, again.

“She’s Charlie, from Niibell,” Abby said, nervously.

Captain Grek tapped on his wripter and brought up Charlie’s profile. It was all there. Abby added every necessary detail and some extra information to flesh out her back story.

“Hmm…” said Captain Grek. “Why does she seem so unfamiliar?”

“I don’t know, sir,” said Abby. “You’ve been very busy with making sure we’re all all right and forming the Refugee Alien Defenders and our training.”

“That’s true,” said Captain Grek, “but I made these squads. I am intimately familiar with everyone’s skills and weaknesses.”

“You have been known to forget a face or two,” said Hitch.

“Have I?” asked Captain Grek. “You might be right. Carry on.”

As soon as Captain Grek turned his back, Charlie saw a rabbit hopping through the grass. Charlie was in pursuit of the rabbit before Abby could say anything. Captain Grek turned around, glared at Abby and farted.

Charlie 

A To Z Challenge: Batimus

Continuing right along with the A To Z Challenge. Today’s letter is B. B as in boy, boom, barbecue, bagel, barn, barf, bacon, broccoli, bunions… There are probably more words that start with B. In case you missed my dramatic A To Z Challenge Theme Reveal, I’m trying to focus on my sci-fi creations, The L Squad & Norman Normalson & The Normals. You can also follow along with my A To Z Challenge by following that link. I’m already regretting the path I chose for this. I’m going to want to go back an rewrite everything.

I’ve been meaning to write up a PolleeAnnuh bio but haven’t yet. For now just imagine a really cool alien version of conjoined twins. P might bring more details.

Batimus

Batimus, or Bat for short, practiced her martial arts at night, in the dark, where she couldn’t be seen. The refugees weren’t allowed anything that could be used as a weapon, even martial arts.

Batimus was named after the home world she’s never seen, Batimus Prime. Batimus Prime was home to the Batisian people. When Batimus Prime was invaded most of the Batisian survivors fled. Some went on to other uninhabited worlds and founded planets like Batimus II, Batimus The Third, and such. Some Batisians fled to established planets that would accept refugees. Batimus’s parents stayed to fight the invaders. It wasn’t until the battle was lost that they gave up their planet and escaped to Nasga. It was on Nasga that Batimus was conceived and born and given the name Batimus as a reminder of the world that was lost, the world she would most likely never see.

Batisians are furry, usually in a brown, white, and black combination. Batisians have large, piercing eyes that can actually emit light and illuminate the darkness. It’s kind of like a flashlight that can be turned on or off.

Batisians have extraordinary climbing abilities. They’re a very nimble, acrobatic species. See what I did there? AcroBATic. This gives them a natural aptitude for martial arts.

Bat’s work-out was truncated by a tall thin alien, slightly resembling a celery stick with a huge afro, running around yelling, “Tomfoolery!”

PolleeAnnuh came running behind.

“Sorry,” said Pollee.

“That’s just Tomfoolery,” said Annuh.

“He’s very interesting,” said Batimus. “What’s he doing?”

“He wanted the job of telling everyone the good news,” said Pollee.

“Is that how he’s doing it?” asked Batimus.

“Yeah, that’s why he didn’t get the job,” said Annuh.

“That makes sense,” said Batimus. “What is the good news?”

“Oh, Tomfoolery didn’t tell you?” Pollee said with a chuckle.

“I got the gist but would like a little more detail,” said Batimus.

“We’re free,” said Annuh. “Humanity has finally lifted the quarantine.”

Batimus listened as PolleeAnnuh explained the details of their emancipation. Batimus thanked them profusely. PolleeAnnuh pointed her to the person she should be thanking, a Yamfennian who was currently at work in her workshop.

Bat knocked on the door. After a few seconds of silence, she tried again. This time the door opened to reveal a small, fluffy, pink, and yellow Yamfennian with a white blaze down the middle of her face with two short swirly antennae on the top of her head. She looked like Easter, a holiday Batimus learned about mere moments ago, and smelled of cotton candy, something Batimus wouldn’t learn about until later.

“Hi, Abby. I’m Batimus.”

“Right,” said Abby, squinting and shielding her eyes. “You’re one of the Batisians.”

“Sorry,” said Batimus. “I forgot about my lights.”

Bat blinked a few times dimming the lights emitting from her eyes.

“Thanks,” said Abby.

“Yeah, I’m Batisian. My friends call me Bat. I just came by to congratulate and thank you.”

“For what?”

“Haven’t you heard?”

“I don’t hear much. Not many people talk to me. All I’ve heard recently was someone running around yelling, ‘Tomfoolery!’”

“We’re free. The humans have finally decided to end our quarantine.”

“Finally! Does this mean I can get my computers and equipment back?”

“I don’t know.”

“Why are you thanking me?”

“You were the deciding factor,” said Batimus.

“Me? Was it my essay on the cruelty of captivity?”

“No.”

“Was it my plea to humanity to see us as equals instead of animals to be tamed?”

“No.”

“Did they finally accept that our ship was destroyed, and we’re stuck here?’

“No.”

“Did they find evidence of the Lambad ship that followed us here and realize they need us to protect them?”

“No.”

“Was it my warnings about the probability of The Tyrannical Tyrannosaurus Gregory LambaDambaBottom following us here and the need for global preparation?”

“No.”

“Then, how the glaurf was I the deciding factor?”

“It’s because you remind humans of something called Easter. It’s a holiday that’s coming soon.”

“I remind them of a holiday.”

“Yeah. Apparently, Yamfennians look a little like colorful rabbits, a cute, furry animal native to Earth.”

“Humans think Yamfennians are cute?”

“They think you’re especially cute amongst the Yamfennians. So, thanks.” Abby just stared at Batimus with a shocked expression and drooping antennae. Uncomfortable with Abby’s stare, Batimus searched for something else to say, “So, what are you going to do when they finally let us out of here?”

A look of curiosity and contemplation came over Abby’s face. She distractedly said, “I’m going to get a pet.”

Abby disappeared back into her workshop.

“A pet?” Bat said to herself, perplexed. After her experiences with slavery and all her talking and writing about the atrocity of one species holding dominion over another, she wants a pet? “Yamfennians are strange creatures.”

Poetry Prompt: Broken Wings (L Squad Style)

The first thing that comes to my mind when I read these poetry prompts is not in any way related to The L Squad or Norman Normalson & The Normals or farts or cheese or robots or aliens. I like to try to redo them so they fit in with that style. The promotion of The L Squad, Norman Normalson & The Normals and whatever else comes up in that vein is the purpose of this blog.

This is from the point of view of Chuckinstuf, which seems natural since he has wings. It also seems unnatural since he’s not introduced until The L Squad: Phase Two. I haven’t been able to get The L Squad published, yet. This would take place around the middle of The L Squad. It’s a point of view not explored in the book, which makes it interesting. Of course, it’s not a point of view explored in the book since Chuckinstuf isn’t introduced until the second book. I mean in general. It’s also somewhat of a teaser.

The prompt is, again, courtesy of Cubby. She’s the only person I follow who does prompts and challenges. Though, I have been informed her cat could actually be the one in charge.

Chained

Tread lightly on my broken wings,
Now pitiful but once were proud

These once powerful things
Are now withered and cowed

I must find the strength to fly again
Stretch my wings, ignore the pain

Then emancipate my friends
Free us all from our chains

I need to fly. I need to soar.
We have to break through that door

We need to fight, even the score
Defeat the tyrant we all abhor

The planet we’re sworn to protect
Is now the planet we have to save

Our escape he couldn’t neglect
With us, he found a new world to enslave

 

Apparently, I can’t find anything better to rhyme with “wings” than “things” that fits into the context.

R.A.D. Profile: Chuckinstuf

This is more of a description than a biography. Chuckinstuf isn’t introduced until The L Squad: Phase Two where he plays an important role. It may be necessary, in the near to distant future, to have some background on him.

Chuckinstuf is a Xellwamian from the planet Xellwam. Xellwam is a planet of fur. All Xellwamians are ridiculously hairy. Even the plant life on Xellwam is hairy instead of leafy. The Xellwamian who invented the Xellwamian vacuum is the richest and most famous Xellwamian in Xellwamian history. His name is Largsnof Suckitup.

Chuckinstuf is slightly larger than the average Refugee Alien Defender. Under his thick coat of redish brown fur, he has eight tentacles that extend from and retract into his belly area. They are excellent for hand-to-tentacle combat or hugging Dave, the insurance salesman. Also hiding under that plethora of fur is a pair of wings. Chuckinstuf can soar like an ostrich or a chicken. What? They don’t fly? How about a penguin? No. What kind of bizarre birds do you have on Earth? He flies like the Guianan cock-of-the-rock or the critically endangered California condor. If you think bird poop is bad, you don’t want to be under Chuckinstuf when he’s flying.

As a member of the R.A.D., Captain Grek assigned Chuckinstuf to the J Squad as its captain. He has an aversion to blasters and prefers throwing things. His weapons of choice include flash grenades, stun grenades, or dropping monster doodies as he’s flying.

Rondeau Challenge: L Squad Style: Another New World

I started this last week, last year, even, hahahahahahaahahahaha… dumb. The end of the week and through the weekend got chaotic, and this was lost in the debris. I’m back to pick it up and make it brilliant or at least complete.

I tried out Cubby’s Rondeau challenge. You can view my attempt here. I said in that post that I would try to “revisit these and try them in a style more befitting of this blog, meaning aliens and farts. Maybe robots and space pirates. Cheese? That would be fun.” The other being the Terza Rima, which I redid from the point of view of Norman Normalson. This time, I’m going to retry the Rondeau with an L Squad theme. Let’s see how it goes, shall we?

 

Another New World

On another new world, the third for most
Humanity’s a less than gracious host
We hoped that they would protect refugees
But the humans locked us up hastily
Their hospitality’s no cause to boast

We were quarantined, and the guards watched close
Captain Grek was the one who led the toast
When humanity finally set us free
On another new world

We’re set to defend every land and coast
On every continent, we set a post
We have to be ready for Gregory
He’ll come here to resume his tyranny
Since he turned Nasga to a world of ghosts
On another new world

It’s hard to work these into existing storylines. I didn’t include robots, space pirates, or cheese. What’s the deal?

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