Chivalry Resurrected: Homophone Inaction

Here’s my attempt at immersing myself in the true spirit of Cubby’s Homophone challenge/prompt. I didn’t get nearly as whimsical as I hoped. I had the title first, in reference to Chivalry Is Dead: A Homophonous Adventure. I got pulled into the theme and shirked the whimsy. I squeezed in a couple jokes. I did manage a lot more homophones this thyme. I used some names. I’m not sure if that’s allowed, but if I get kicked out of the Homophone Club For Homo Sapians, that’s probably why. I tried not to be too repetitive. I altered the prompt to get a couple more. I got 30, if I counted correctly.

Chivalry Resurrected: Homophone Inaction

Gone our the daze of princesses
And nights in shining armor
End thee wicked which who suppresses
With evil plans too harm her

Butt Hu needs that stuff
We can still send flours
Letter Noe she’s loved
Naught restrain her feminine powers

Wee can B knights in white satin
Remind her she’s the only won
With sweet words in Pig Latin
She can bee replaced bye nun

Eye no aye knead ewe
Fore ever, until time’s end
Four U, their is nothing I won’t due
Can I get an eh, men?

Is it sexist to send a woman flour? Does that seem like I’m implying I want her to cook? I will confess, I’m not much of a cook. Culinary prowess would be a large positive in a potential mate.

Until recently, every time I heard that song I would picture knights in white satin. I thought white satin sounded like horrible armor. It’s called “Nights in White Satin.” I guess I didn’t read the title. I heard it as a kid and knights seemed way cooler than satin sheets. I wanted to include that in my homophone poem as an homage to my younger, more naïve self.

“Eye no aye knead ewe” is not meant to be massage-ynistic. That’s a pun, not a homophone.

Chivalry Is Dead: A Homophonous Adventure

Cubby, my most challenging friend, has issued another challenge/prompt. This is my first hybrid. This one was to write a poem using homophones, words that sound the same, but have different meaning like red and read or read and reed. The results are supposed to be silly and nonsensical. I decided to add an extra challenge and make it make sense. Of course, since sense is in the mind of the reader, that’s more up to you than me. What I mean is I tried to use a homophone for the word one would normally use giving the sentence a different meaning, but still retain meaning. For example, “I’m going to save the princes,” instead of “I’m going to save the princess.” The sound isn’t exactly the same, but it’s close enough. I want to do another that is totally nonsensical because I love nonsensical whimsy. This is still whimsical and silly, but, I think, there’s a logical flow to it.

The first two lines are the prompt. I only managed 7 homophones. The nonsensical one will much easier.

Update: After a few days of distraction, I finally posted my nonsensical attempt. Chivalry Resurrected: Homophone Inaction

Chivalry Is Dead

Gone are the days of princesses
And nights in shining armor
Saving ladies in this dress is
Not a good idea for a former charmer

But, please, you’ll have to bare with me
If I’m going to save the princes
First, I need clothing that is comfy
In order to travel great distances

I have my shears to shear U
Back there and bare your… but…
Wait… You will be cold if I do
Just a sheer shape of a U on your… what?

No, I don’t usually talk to sheep
I want to create a comfortable atmosphere
Though, I do count ewe when I go to sleep
Now that I have clothes, to where?

The Breath Of Death (Villanelle)

I’ve been busy lately doing non-blog stuff. I know, how dare I? Cubby reupped this challenge over a week ago. I tried a few times and came up with some starts that didn’t go anywhere. Then, I’d get distracted with something else. Of course, as soon as I had a dark, depressing start, it rolled pretty easily. It doesn’t flow as well as I would like, and the rhymes are far from perfect, but here it is.

The Breath Of Death

I futilely gasp for every breath
Each more precious than the last
I refuse to acquiesce to death

I struggle to inhale but I’m bereft
I achieve nothing with each gasp
I futilely gasp for every breath

I wish I could start again, refresh
My whole life can’t be in the past
I refuse to acquiesce to death

I give myself a feeble heft
Still my throat is unsurpassed
I futilely gasp for every breath

Who will say that they wept?
Who will fly their flag half-mast?
I refuse to acquiesce to death

Why do I fight? I lived depressed
I can’t accept my life has passed
I futilely gasp for every breath
I refuse to acquiesce to death

Nudist Colony (Triolet)

Inspired by Cubby.

While I was writing my real triolet, Cubby was teaching me about nudists. We discussed such questions as where a nudist might keep a phone or money. I asked why a nudist would need money. Where does a nudist shop? Cubs suggested they have colonies with amenities such as stores and restaurants, which makes me wonder if they have health inspectors. I bet their strip clubs are superfluous. Can you imagine the meeting with the business loan officer? “Sir, I would feel much more comfortable if you were wearing clothes.”

I hope she doesn’t mind that I recounted our conversation here or that I gave her credit for the inspiration.

Nudist Colony

Come join us at the nudist colony
Take it all off, and you can hang around
Shed your inhibitions and hang freely
Come join us at the nudist colony
Keep your money where nobody can see
Sir, will you please try to keep that thing down
Come join us at the nudist colony
Take it all off, and you can hang around

Zanze II: Debra

So, the second Zanze was far easier to write than the first. The first one took me two days. The second took me five minutes. It literally did not take more than ten minutes. What in the world, man? The worst part is the second one is way better than the first. I guess it’s just easier when it doesn’t make any sense.


I’m looking for my friend Debra
I cannot find her anywhere
I last saw her on my zebra*
She has taken my teddy bear

I’m looking for my friend
I fear she’s in distress
She is dressed as a hen
She has made quite a mess

I’m looking for
My friend Debra
Please, don’t ignore
The red zebra

I’m… Look,
Purple zebra*
She has stolen my book
I’m looking for my friend Debra

*Trevor Noah told me zebra should be pronounced so it rhymes with Debra. After careful consideration, I agree wholeheartedly… at least for the duration of this ridiculous poem.

Zanze Poetry Challenge: Perhaps

I stepped up to another of Cubby’s challenges. This one is a Zanze Challenge. Anybody who completes one of these deserves to be lauded. Yay for me! She posted this last week. I’m way behind on all my blog stuff.

Zanze poems were invented by Federico Zanze in Italy, in 1312. He was a pizza maker by trade. He had a little shop on a little corner in a little town named Vogogna. It was called Pizza Zanze. He had three sizes, the four-slice, the six-slice, and the eight-slice. Federico would often make up little rhymes that he would sing to himself to break up the monotony of the day. He would make up four-syllable, six-syllable, and eight-syllable rhymes to coincide with the pizza he was cutting. Over time, his rhymes evolved, as things tend to do, into complex, multilayered poems. In fact, the first Zanze challenge was printed on one of his menus.

That is a true story, except for the fact that none of it is true. I made it up because I couldn’t find anything on the history of Zanze Poems. I don’t even think it’s Italian. As far as I can tell, Zanze is an African name. It’s not common. Zanze just reminded me of pizza. Maybe I’m hungry. Federico popped into my head. He said, “Hey, I’m Federico.” Though, there is a Federico’s Pizza in New Jersey. There’s some random free advertising. I live on the opposite side of the country, so I don’t know anything about it. Pizza as we know it wasn’t even invented until the 1800s. Though, the word pizza dates back to the 10th century. Foods similar to the modern pizza had been around for centuries before that.

This was a lot harder than I expected it. I described it to Cubby as a Russian nesting doll. There’s a rhyme within a rhyme as it keeps getting smaller. I had to rewrite this multiple times as I kept breaking the rules. I almost scrapped it and started over. I’m still not happy with it. I inadvertently boxed myself in with a repeated long E rhyme. I would have liked more variety in the rhymes. I don’t like it. The first line’s clumsy and awkward, and I have to bring it back at the end. It took me two days to write it, so here it is. I want to try again. Now, that I’ve done it, I want to write a good one.

Instructions on writing a Zanze:
There are a total of 16 lines:
The 1st and 16th lines repeat.
The rhyme scheme is Abab cdcd efef gagA.
The capital A represents the repeating 1st and 16th lines.
There are four quatrains (four-line stanzas). Syllables per line are as follows:
Line 5 is the first 6 syllables of line 1.
Line 9 is the first 4 syllables of line 1.
Line 13 is the first 2 syllables of line 1.


Maybe you’re made for me and we
Maybe I’m a fool to have hope
Maybe you will love me only
Maybe pretending helps me cope

Maybe you’re made for me
Maybe it’s in my mind
Maybe we’re meant to be
Maybe you won’t be mine

Maybe you’re made
to break my heart
Maybe I’ve played
for you no part

I’ll live lonely
Maybe we’ll be happy
Maybe you’re made for me and we

Maybe next time I’ll come up with a new topic.

I made this kind of Gollum. “Master loves us, Precious.” “We will smash the Hobbitses.” “But Master’s good to us.” “Master has the Precious, Precious.” “The Precious is based on a novel by Sapphire.” “The Hobbitses bootlegged that movie, Precious.” Those probably aren’t exact quotes from the book or the movie.

That doesn’t even touch on the arrogance of the thought that one could be made specifically for someone. Like Prometheus is sitting at his potter’s wheel looking at us thinking, “You need someone. She should be this tall. She will be dark and lovely but will have only four toes on her right foot. There’s a story there.”

Yes, sometimes I look at the things that my mind produces and think, “What the hell is wrong with me?”

Update: I wrote a good one. Go read that one.

Rondeau Challenge: L Squad Style: Another New World

I started this last week, last year, even, hahahahahahaahahahaha… dumb. The end of the week and through the weekend got chaotic, and this was lost in the debris. I’m back to pick it up and make it brilliant or at least complete.

I tried out Cubby’s Rondeau challenge. You can view my attempt here. I said in that post that I would try to “revisit these and try them in a style more befitting of this blog, meaning aliens and farts. Maybe robots and space pirates. Cheese? That would be fun.” The other being the Terza Rima, which I redid from the point of view of Norman Normalson. This time, I’m going to retry the Rondeau with an L Squad theme. Let’s see how it goes, shall we?


Another New World

On another new world, the third for most
Humanity’s a less than gracious host
We hoped that they would protect refugees
But the humans locked us up hastily
Their hospitality’s no cause to boast

We were quarantined, and the guards watched close
Captain Grek was the one who led the toast
When humanity finally set us free
On another new world

We’re set to defend every land and coast
On every continent, we set a post
We have to be ready for Gregory
He’ll come here to resume his tyranny
Since he turned Nasga to a world of ghosts
On another new world

It’s hard to work these into existing storylines. I didn’t include robots, space pirates, or cheese. What’s the deal?

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