Chivalry Resurrected: Homophone Inaction

Here’s my attempt at immersing myself in the true spirit of Cubby’s Homophone challenge/prompt. I didn’t get nearly as whimsical as I hoped. I had the title first, in reference to Chivalry Is Dead: A Homophonous Adventure. I got pulled into the theme and shirked the whimsy. I squeezed in a couple jokes. I did manage a lot more homophones this thyme. I used some names. I’m not sure if that’s allowed, but if I get kicked out of the Homophone Club For Homo Sapians, that’s probably why. I tried not to be too repetitive. I altered the prompt to get a couple more. I got 30, if I counted correctly.

Chivalry Resurrected: Homophone Inaction

Gone our the daze of princesses
And nights in shining armor
End thee wicked which who suppresses
With evil plans too harm her

Butt Hu needs that stuff
We can still send flours
Letter Noe she’s loved
Naught restrain her feminine powers

Wee can B knights in white satin
Remind her she’s the only won
With sweet words in Pig Latin
She can bee replaced bye nun

Eye no aye knead ewe
Fore ever, until time’s end
Four U, their is nothing I won’t due
Can I get an eh, men?

Is it sexist to send a woman flour? Does that seem like I’m implying I want her to cook? I will confess, I’m not much of a cook. Culinary prowess would be a large positive in a potential mate.

Until recently, every time I heard that song I would picture knights in white satin. I thought white satin sounded like horrible armor. It’s called “Nights in White Satin.” I guess I didn’t read the title. I heard it as a kid and knights seemed way cooler than satin sheets. I wanted to include that in my homophone poem as an homage to my younger, more naïve self.

“Eye no aye knead ewe” is not meant to be massage-ynistic. That’s a pun, not a homophone.

Chivalry Is Dead: A Homophonous Adventure

Cubby, my most challenging friend, has issued another challenge/prompt. This is my first hybrid. This one was to write a poem using homophones, words that sound the same, but have different meaning like red and read or read and reed. The results are supposed to be silly and nonsensical. I decided to add an extra challenge and make it make sense. Of course, since sense is in the mind of the reader, that’s more up to you than me. What I mean is I tried to use a homophone for the word one would normally use giving the sentence a different meaning, but still retain meaning. For example, “I’m going to save the princes,” instead of “I’m going to save the princess.” The sound isn’t exactly the same, but it’s close enough. I want to do another that is totally nonsensical because I love nonsensical whimsy. This is still whimsical and silly, but, I think, there’s a logical flow to it.

The first two lines are the prompt. I only managed 7 homophones. The nonsensical one will much easier.

Update: After a few days of distraction, I finally posted my nonsensical attempt. Chivalry Resurrected: Homophone Inaction

Chivalry Is Dead

Gone are the days of princesses
And nights in shining armor
Saving ladies in this dress is
Not a good idea for a former charmer

But, please, you’ll have to bare with me
If I’m going to save the princes
First, I need clothing that is comfy
In order to travel great distances

I have my shears to shear U
Back there and bare your… but…
Wait… You will be cold if I do
Just a sheer shape of a U on your… what?

No, I don’t usually talk to sheep
I want to create a comfortable atmosphere
Though, I do count ewe when I go to sleep
Now that I have clothes, to where?

The Breath Of Death (Villanelle)

I’ve been busy lately doing non-blog stuff. I know, how dare I? Cubby reupped this challenge over a week ago. I tried a few times and came up with some starts that didn’t go anywhere. Then, I’d get distracted with something else. Of course, as soon as I had a dark, depressing start, it rolled pretty easily. It doesn’t flow as well as I would like, and the rhymes are far from perfect, but here it is.

The Breath Of Death

I futilely gasp for every breath
Each more precious than the last
I refuse to acquiesce to death

I struggle to inhale but I’m bereft
I achieve nothing with each gasp
I futilely gasp for every breath

I wish I could start again, refresh
My whole life can’t be in the past
I refuse to acquiesce to death

I give myself a feeble heft
Still my throat is unsurpassed
I futilely gasp for every breath

Who will say that they wept?
Who will fly their flag half-mast?
I refuse to acquiesce to death

Why do I fight? I lived depressed
I can’t accept my life has passed
I futilely gasp for every breath
I refuse to acquiesce to death

Nudist Colony (Triolet)

Inspired by Cubby.

While I was writing my real triolet, Cubby was teaching me about nudists. We discussed such questions as where a nudist might keep a phone or money. I asked why a nudist would need money. Where does a nudist shop? Cubs suggested they have colonies with amenities such as stores and restaurants, which makes me wonder if they have health inspectors. I bet their strip clubs are superfluous. Can you imagine the meeting with the business loan officer? “Sir, I would feel much more comfortable if you were wearing clothes.”

I hope she doesn’t mind that I recounted our conversation here or that I gave her credit for the inspiration.

Nudist Colony

Come join us at the nudist colony
Take it all off, and you can hang around
Shed your inhibitions and hang freely
Come join us at the nudist colony
Keep your money where nobody can see
Sir, will you please try to keep that thing down
Come join us at the nudist colony
Take it all off, and you can hang around

Zanze II: Debra

So, the second Zanze was far easier to write than the first. The first one took me two days. The second took me five minutes. It literally did not take more than ten minutes. What in the world, man? The worst part is the second one is way better than the first. I guess it’s just easier when it doesn’t make any sense.

Debra

I’m looking for my friend Debra
I cannot find her anywhere
I last saw her on my zebra*
She has taken my teddy bear

I’m looking for my friend
I fear she’s in distress
She is dressed as a hen
She has made quite a mess

I’m looking for
My friend Debra
Please, don’t ignore
The red zebra

I’m… Look,
Purple zebra*
She has stolen my book
I’m looking for my friend Debra

*Trevor Noah told me zebra should be pronounced so it rhymes with Debra. After careful consideration, I agree wholeheartedly… at least for the duration of this ridiculous poem.

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